Chapter III : HodgePodge

As I stormed off to my bus-stop I began to run. I instantly recognized the hirsute driver with that big paunch driving a decaying bus- so rickety and slow that it took eons to cover the 18 kilometers to my town.

Having steered halfway through the bus as I found a seat to sink in it hit me that Winters are finally here. It was already darker than usual at 5PM and everything appeared glum. I've always liked Winters better. As a child I loved snuggling up in the blanket, blow smoke out of my mouth whenever I wanted and acting up about it, run my fingers on the windscreen covered with dew emblazoning my name. Even now I love winters as much. I'd wait for the sun to set, would grab my shuffler and go for a brisk walk. No profuse sweating like summers. Only the chill and the abandoned road. No texts demanding attention, no strings attached. Just Music and walk.

Immersed in this I reached home all bummed courtesy a bad exam, worse lunch and an even worse spat with my closest friend. But it all suddenly dissolved when I saw Noddy sniffing closely on a pillar and then demarcating its boundary.  Noddy's a Yellow Labrador Retriever. He recognizes me well albeit I put up a little far from his place.

Like a True Sagittarius, I am an animal lover. The last black Labrador Retriever (whom I christened Bruno) I had to abandon made me weep. 12th grade and I wept like a girl. Once I found a snail in the backyard and I ended up sheltering it in a Q-tip box for 2 days feeding it leaves. So it is quite likely that Noddy excites me like nothing else does. He just pulls me to himself like Fe chips to magnet. Immediately he pumped me with an ineffable energy and gifted me back my chirpiness, ousting the bitterness all at once.

Plus I caught Rockstar again. With a different group of chums. Past it I've only been humming to its tunes. Rahman's music takes time to grow on but once it does, its soulfulness engulfs you. It's been after ages I've watched a movie driven by powerful music. Every track is amazing. From self-atoning Nadaan Parindey to goosepimply Tum Ko on which Kavita Subramanium makes a comeback to the burning desire on Aur Ho to the hopelessly romantic Tum Ho  to the divine Kun Faya Kun.  Jo Bhi Main is what I resonate with the most. Sadda Haq feels out of place on the album and I feel it was put only to give Rockstar an anthem. I'd go for Rockstar a third time just for Rahman Sir.

Now with 2 more MidSemesterTests to go I can sigh in relief. For I'm past the worst. MSTs presented themselves at a very odd time this semester. I had just got out of the hangover of a wonderful wedding. Honestly, I hardly had. The big fat wedding that it was. Here's the nitty-gritty.

At Sangeet. Potty-mouthed uncles with their gobs filled with Chicken Tikka clinking together their drinks. Ravenous ladies who only wait for the host to signal 'Dinner Is Served' and then rush together to the counter like an agitated flock of buffaloes. People who pull everyone to the dance floor but themselves merely clap their hands and keep  hogging the camera. Fastidious relatives finding flaws in the almost-perfect arrangements. Amidst all the confusion there's a gang of guys who crash in for the free snacks.

At Wedding. I was taken aback when asked to do a Milni (putting a garland around someone from the same level of the other party's family tree) Shy as I am, I hurriedly put it and ran away from the flashes only earning ridicule. But a couple of scrumptious snacks were enough to make me forget the embarrassment.
The ceremony was flawless. With the bride and the groom on a rotating platform there were rose petals showered on them incessantly (from what looked like a sewage pipe but thankfully didn't get much noticed) and they exchanged their garlands and posed for everyone. Even the bride's entry was unique (memorable). A wise man once said "Because there's a Lady Gaga in all of us" and that is how the entry was. Reminiscent of Gaga's at 2011 GrammyAwards!

In a nutshell, it's been quite a week. Something I got to make changes about : I have this weird phobia of get-togethers and only the idea of meeting with a lot of people can make me wet my pants. I am supremely gawky. So attending weddings doesn't excite me as much but I'm glad I could make it to this one. Because there's something very warming about meeting long-lost cousins, aunts fighting aging & on every single meeting exclaiming at how tall I have grown, folks having stolen time off their schedules filling each other up with the missing links, all the stories making rounds, the stories I had missed, the stories they know about me, stories downright hilarious that now scream to myself that these stories are why I love my crazy family.

Chapter II : Hallelujah, I'm Free

The Serenity Prayer goes as: 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Life's meaning succinctly encapsulated in one sentence. Wish it were as easy as it sounds.
Change needs courage. Everybody changes in a due course of time. Some for good while others for worse. And it's always for a reason. Some like me change to avert the effects of nursing a broken heart. To camouflage it. I write this because I feel free for having wriggled out of this quagmire.

It's a new life. You get to know a side of you that you didn't know ever existed. You pledge to yourself for never forgetting the lessons you've learnt. You throw yourself in friends and enjoy things that you earlier disdained. Your friends seem to take extra good care of you. And you imagine to yourself recalling your tumultuous past, "Was I drunk all that time?" Now you know the answer.

Apart from that, days are going great for there were no college classes whole week. And with an impending wedding in the family, it's always good to know who all would make it and what absolute fun it would be. The only predicament- exams begin a day after the wedding. Exams. The number of exam papers I have written in 4 years of my engineering degree, oh! And still they give me sleepless nights. What a loser! Ha! Yes, I've downloaded new music (a Motown breakup album by Marvin Gaye) and been doing everything else that I like except for grabbing a good read.

Also caught Rockstar today. My first ever FirstDay-FirstShow Experience. And it didn't entirely disappoint. I am not a big movie buff. So I end up liking any and every movie I watch. And liking doesn't just stop there. I usually go gaga over the leading ladies. And for Rockstar, can you blame me? Nargis is drop dead beautiful. She lit the screen by just being there. So gorgeous that she can dupe anyone into anything. Sadly her acting didn't sink in as well. In some sequences she's the spitting image of Katrina Kaif. And coincidentally her dialogues seem dubbed by the same artist who dubs for Katrina and other MaheshBhatt-clan newbies. But what a treat it is to watch her. B'bye Aishwarya. You've just been replaced.

The flick builds on the fact that to become a true blue artist one has got to live the blues, battle heartache and then let it flow through one's artistry. It is all about the lovelorn protagonist who when achieves fame that he always longed for feels trapped in it and how he's ready to toss fame out for love but it gets too late.. Unrequited love. Those who know it, know it too well.

My expectations from the flick were quite different. I expected it to mirror drug and sex-infused rockstar lifestyle. And had myself drooling after I googled Nargis Fakhri's images beforehand. But it was a typical Imtiaz Ali flick. No nudity (what a waste for signing Nargis), good humour, dialogues that strike a chord, beautiful way of pushing the story forward through songs. And the immense sexual urges of the lead characters depicted with elegance and sensitivity. So much so that you almost feel like "Lucky bastard, wish i were there caressing her and simulating guitar strings on her midriff"

Its music is what sticks with you besides Ranbir's convincing take as the torn-apart rockstar. Kun Faya Kun and Tum Ho in specific. Tum Ho throws you down the memory lane and you so badly want somebody around you. Kun Faya Kun is personally the type of Music i like. I dig tracks with sufi touch that refer to God and lover simultaneously. Similar are Allah Hi Reham from My Name Is Khan, Rangrez from Tanu Weds Manu, Baanwra Mann from Hazaron Khwahishen Aisi and Khwaja from Jodha Akbar. They transport me to another world. A very slim variety of music does that to me. Drives me to a world that keeps me content and at peace. Frees me of futile frustrations floating in my head.

Misty memories fail to fade. They knock at your door when you are at your lowest, injecting regret and guilt and frustration in your newly-formatted mind and they drag you down. And if it persists then you are not free as yet. Perhaps you are just fooling yourself.
Kun Faya Kun says "Karde mujhko mujh se hi riha"
Now that's what I'm looking at.

Chapter I : In The Unbalanced

As I awoke this morning, I felt new and I felt light. Because yesterday was the day towards which I have trodden myself for months and finally as it hit a wall, I feel reborn. Having battled the most extreme degree of a migraine attack yesterday, I woke up without a heavy head but a grin. For now is the time I can throw myself in the things I love. Now is when I can check the entries rotting in my To-Do List. Now is how I want to see myself revelling in what my heart says.
But I know as the day will unravel, I will forget what I want and just be myself.

To make most of the little time I'm left with here in my hometown, I have absolutely no big plans. That is what has always been my handicap. Inability to take risks, living scared of the consequences, stifled under pressure of others' aspirations. I have no plans to make a change. I have no friends to tell it to. So blogging has always been in the back of my mind. And now as I make it happen, it's as much liberating as it is introspective. It's like unwinding in the unbalanced.

Last few months have seen me busting myself for an exam and it was yesterday what it all culminated to. I can't speak of what fruit my effort will bear or how well I fared but my soul is resonating with joy because I'm past it. I made a few follies which when I recalled only exacerbated my migraine last night. Thankfully, Music pacified my ache and lulled me to sleep of which I hardly remember anything. So sound. What I vividly remember is how wonderful yesterday's experience has been. I may have missed the bullseye but I assume I was close and it lets me stay pumped. And for heaven's sake, I'm just 21, on the brink of "real-life". I'm going to be host to numerous opportunities ahead. But go-getting them, shedding my comatose ways is what I can't even promise to myself.

I am supremely laid back and this fuels my foul-mouthed father a lot. He labels me as a gone goose and I won't argue. I love the way he scolds with his perfectly spaced and articulated Punjabi swear-words. He'd curse my careless habits and lazy antics. And can you blame him? I would not relieve myself in winters when my bladder is brimming and my muscles too close to give in just because it requires me to move my lazy bum out of the quilt. And I may have whined about all that I loathe about him but when my friends tell me how I react in some situations, I see a reflection of my old man's ways. I am hyper and worry over petty issues. I hate being stood up and I don't make people wait.  I hold a grudge for way too long and so much so that I forget why I was mad but only remember staying that and follow it like religion. Genes.

But I witness his zeal for life and his wish to work even at 66 and it stuns me. He's still willing to work round the clock and his efficiency is hard to match. I'd want to be as organized as he. And we are like poles apart when it comes to get a party going! I'd sulk in a corner desperately wishing to be home and he, like a true sagittarius, would be surrounded by people listening intently to what he's got to say.
That's another one on my list. Someone I'd want to be like. Him.

Besides, I'm dying to start a novel. Haven't read that in a while. The last one I went through left me richer. I'd also like to download some music. Downloading music is like therapy to me. Always works wonders. I'd also try to fill up this blog-space as often as I can. Now that I've been gifted with 2 months of freedom, I don't see it hard to happen. I call it 2 months of freedom because college exams I don't think of as much of a threat. So I have time till late January when I leave for Mysore to start a new chapter.

So here I am, with this new-found sink, where I'd throw up my complex thoughts and hybrid feelings and find ways to unwind myself and introspect. For there's no one better than me who knows me and writing this is an exercise that can bring me closer to the self. I can't promise how regular I might stay at this but this is what lifts me higher and leaves me unwound. This is what satiates my quest to attain equilibrium in the unbalanced.