As I awoke this
morning, I felt new and I felt light. Because yesterday was the day towards
which I have trodden myself for months and finally as it hit a wall, I feel
reborn. Having battled the most extreme degree of a migraine attack yesterday,
I woke up without a heavy head but a grin. For now is the time I can throw
myself in the things I love. Now is when I can check the entries rotting in my
To-Do List. Now is how I want to see myself revelling in what my heart says.
But I know as the day will unravel, I will forget what I want and just be myself.
To make most of the little time I'm left with here in my hometown, I have absolutely no big plans. That is what has always been my handicap. Inability to take risks, living scared of the consequences, stifled under pressure of others' aspirations. I have no plans to make a change. I have no friends to tell it to. So blogging has always been in the back of my mind. And now as I make it happen, it's as much liberating as it is introspective. It's like unwinding in the unbalanced.
Last few months have seen me busting myself for an exam and it was yesterday what it all culminated to. I can't speak of what fruit my effort will bear or how well I fared but my soul is resonating with joy because I'm past it. I made a few follies which when I recalled only exacerbated my migraine last night. Thankfully, Music pacified my ache and lulled me to sleep of which I hardly remember anything. So sound. What I vividly remember is how wonderful yesterday's experience has been. I may have missed the bullseye but I assume I was close and it lets me stay pumped. And for heaven's sake, I'm just 21, on the brink of "real-life". I'm going to be host to numerous opportunities ahead. But go-getting them, shedding my comatose ways is what I can't even promise to myself.
I am supremely laid back and this fuels my foul-mouthed father a lot. He labels me as a gone goose and I won't argue. I love the way he scolds with his perfectly spaced and articulated Punjabi swear-words. He'd curse my careless habits and lazy antics. And can you blame him? I would not relieve myself in winters when my bladder is brimming and my muscles too close to give in just because it requires me to move my lazy bum out of the quilt. And I may have whined about all that I loathe about him but when my friends tell me how I react in some situations, I see a reflection of my old man's ways. I am hyper and worry over petty issues. I hate being stood up and I don't make people wait. I hold a grudge for way too long and so much so that I forget why I was mad but only remember staying that and follow it like religion. Genes.
But I witness his zeal for life and his wish to work even at 66 and it stuns me. He's still willing to work round the clock and his efficiency is hard to match. I'd want to be as organized as he. And we are like poles apart when it comes to get a party going! I'd sulk in a corner desperately wishing to be home and he, like a true sagittarius, would be surrounded by people listening intently to what he's got to say.
That's another one on my list. Someone I'd want to be like. Him.
Besides, I'm dying to start a novel. Haven't read that in a while. The last one I went through left me richer. I'd also like to download some music. Downloading music is like therapy to me. Always works wonders. I'd also try to fill up this blog-space as often as I can. Now that I've been gifted with 2 months of freedom, I don't see it hard to happen. I call it 2 months of freedom because college exams I don't think of as much of a threat. So I have time till late January when I leave for Mysore to start a new chapter.
So here I am, with this new-found sink, where I'd throw up my complex thoughts and hybrid feelings and find ways to unwind myself and introspect. For there's no one better than me who knows me and writing this is an exercise that can bring me closer to the self. I can't promise how regular I might stay at this but this is what lifts me higher and leaves me unwound. This is what satiates my quest to attain equilibrium in the unbalanced.
But I know as the day will unravel, I will forget what I want and just be myself.
To make most of the little time I'm left with here in my hometown, I have absolutely no big plans. That is what has always been my handicap. Inability to take risks, living scared of the consequences, stifled under pressure of others' aspirations. I have no plans to make a change. I have no friends to tell it to. So blogging has always been in the back of my mind. And now as I make it happen, it's as much liberating as it is introspective. It's like unwinding in the unbalanced.
Last few months have seen me busting myself for an exam and it was yesterday what it all culminated to. I can't speak of what fruit my effort will bear or how well I fared but my soul is resonating with joy because I'm past it. I made a few follies which when I recalled only exacerbated my migraine last night. Thankfully, Music pacified my ache and lulled me to sleep of which I hardly remember anything. So sound. What I vividly remember is how wonderful yesterday's experience has been. I may have missed the bullseye but I assume I was close and it lets me stay pumped. And for heaven's sake, I'm just 21, on the brink of "real-life". I'm going to be host to numerous opportunities ahead. But go-getting them, shedding my comatose ways is what I can't even promise to myself.
I am supremely laid back and this fuels my foul-mouthed father a lot. He labels me as a gone goose and I won't argue. I love the way he scolds with his perfectly spaced and articulated Punjabi swear-words. He'd curse my careless habits and lazy antics. And can you blame him? I would not relieve myself in winters when my bladder is brimming and my muscles too close to give in just because it requires me to move my lazy bum out of the quilt. And I may have whined about all that I loathe about him but when my friends tell me how I react in some situations, I see a reflection of my old man's ways. I am hyper and worry over petty issues. I hate being stood up and I don't make people wait. I hold a grudge for way too long and so much so that I forget why I was mad but only remember staying that and follow it like religion. Genes.
But I witness his zeal for life and his wish to work even at 66 and it stuns me. He's still willing to work round the clock and his efficiency is hard to match. I'd want to be as organized as he. And we are like poles apart when it comes to get a party going! I'd sulk in a corner desperately wishing to be home and he, like a true sagittarius, would be surrounded by people listening intently to what he's got to say.
That's another one on my list. Someone I'd want to be like. Him.
Besides, I'm dying to start a novel. Haven't read that in a while. The last one I went through left me richer. I'd also like to download some music. Downloading music is like therapy to me. Always works wonders. I'd also try to fill up this blog-space as often as I can. Now that I've been gifted with 2 months of freedom, I don't see it hard to happen. I call it 2 months of freedom because college exams I don't think of as much of a threat. So I have time till late January when I leave for Mysore to start a new chapter.
So here I am, with this new-found sink, where I'd throw up my complex thoughts and hybrid feelings and find ways to unwind myself and introspect. For there's no one better than me who knows me and writing this is an exercise that can bring me closer to the self. I can't promise how regular I might stay at this but this is what lifts me higher and leaves me unwound. This is what satiates my quest to attain equilibrium in the unbalanced.
No comments:
Post a Comment